Examples
We expect you've experienced situations similar to the following examples.
Empathy for the mind
A speaker has spoken for quite some time, when the listener interrupts:
"I notice that I have all these ideas about what you can do. Would you like to
hear them?"
For a few seconds the speaker seems disrubted, listens to herself, then
answers: "No. I just want to say, what I think and what I feel."
The listener wants to listen to the thoughts and feelings of the speaker, yet
notices that her mind keeps taking her some very clear and simple solutions. What can
she do to reduce the ever growing distraction in her mind?
Listeners are humans
A professional listener has several appointments on the same day. During her last
appointment, just before it is supposed to end, her speaker becomes very emotional and
one important insight after the other comes out.
Then suddenly all the concentrated work during the day pays its toll. The professional
listener wants to listen, yet notices that it becomes harder and harder to remain
sufficiently present to support the process. A small break could help, but would that
stop the breakthrough process of the speaker?
To understand the dynamics in these and other examples and find effective solutions we use the 6 Step Model for listening, the Empathy Path and other insights based on the Book of Needs.
Presence
What do you consider to be a safe and stimulating setting to talk? What would help you to express strong feelings and thoughts that you 'prefer to keep hidden'? Presence is the first and most important thing speakers need to express whatever wants and needs to be expressed. Safe and inviting settings are created, when listeners are sufficiently able to put aside their own thoughts (including analyses and solutions), feelings and needs and follow the path of the speaker.
Is it safe and inviting to talk? About everything?
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Does it feel safe to talk?
Do you feel invited to go as deep as necessary? |
Speakers want us to be sufficiently present during the entire conversation. Despite the best intentions of many listeners (including professional ones) many speakers experience, how difficult it is to get the kind of attention and presence they want. At the same time listeners often don't see how they can change the discrepancy between what they intend to offer and what a speaker experiences. Based on insights of the Book of Needs this training will help you to reduce that discrepancy and increase the level of presence when you aim to 'really' listen.
Speaking is so much easier when someone walks right beside you
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Where are you?
Where is your speaker? |
In this training we will work with the following issues:
- Preparing for listening
- Recognizing (during listening), that you are no longer sufficiently present
- Regaining sufficient presence
- Reprogramming convictions
As with all of our training courses we will work with examples of the participants. Some find it hard to recognize insufficient presence, whereas others find it hard to act effectively due to stubborn convictions like 'I should listen because she is my best friend / a client / a child." Sometimes the examples will let us work with The Empathy Path, that clarifies what happens, when speaker and listener walk besides each other or are in different phases or steps (see examples on the right). Sometimes we use exercises from meditation or mindfulness to raise awareness. We will explain theory, still will practise even more. And always we aim to achieve a higher level of presence when you listen at work and at home.